F1 Rumors - news ahead of the headlines

7th January, 1999

BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew at AutoSport 99

by Jeff Rose

We're back and boy is AutoSport 99 happy about that. Autosport International recreated a Formula One pitlane with WilliamsF1, Benetton, Sauber, Ferrari, Jordan and McLaren. Things were going great until the BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew arrived. The crowd figured they didn't know a tire change from a wet tee-shirt contest.

The BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew were out of the country on a US government mission. President Clinton had asked them to "lay low" till this "cigar thing" "blew" over. The girls said yes "as always." Having learned racing from some less-than-serious Daytona 500 types, BayWatch arrived at AutoSport with fresh Tee-Shirts, water buckets and Jackie Stewart's home number. They stepped up to a Ferrari and started to wash, wax and buff... yes, a lot of buff.

Old timers griped and grumbled right away. Professionals bit their lip. Most folks crossed their arms and shook their heads. This wasn't racing.

Security arrived and it looked like the girls would get tossed. They finished the wax-job then stepped behind the wall next to the clock timer. At the word "Go" they started the clock and jumped the wall.

Hose In, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Four Tyres On! 5 point 9 seconds "Wowie!" yelled Murray as he forgot he wasn't at a race. The girls stepped back. The crowd lightened up. Things were okay; especially when the BayWatch Crew Chief ran her fingers across the tyres. No Grooves... Magic. They'd slipped four racing slicks onto the Ferrari. This was a set-up; an editorial comment. It was a plea for a return to slick tyres and more over-taking. The crowd applauded as Jackie Stewart finally showed up; with a water bucket in hand. It was time for the second act and they wouldn't need a race car for this one.

Article is written by and copyright (c) 1998 Jeff Rose, Binghamton, NY.
His other Travel and Humour Articles can be found at Aloha from the Nervous Nineties.

Interested in reading more by this author?

Humourous Articles by Inky Black
Austrian GP: Welcome to Vienna, Minnesota or; "It's a nice place to visit, but Mozart would have moved."
British GP: The Greatest Drivers In The World or; "Move along lady, there'll be no excitement here. This is a golf match!"
French GP: Viva La France or; Cha Cha Chitwood and the BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew arrive in France with bad jokes, better apologies, and a mention of the war
Canadian GP: Surfing FIA or; Cowabunga in Canada
Spanish GP: Still in Barcelona or; Ninth in the Adventures of the BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew
Monaco GP: Fast Laps and Fast Girls or; The Eighth Adventure of the BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew
San Marino Jet-Set or; Further Adventures of the BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew
Brazil GP - The girls from Ipanema or; Fastest Pit Lane Changes in the World
Full Monty in Melbourne or; Fastest Pit Lane Changes in the World
Formula One Racing Meets Quantum Relativity or; Welcome to CERN - Fastest High-Speed Oval in the World
BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew meets the Queen of England and confused tea-time with wet T-shirt time, causing havoc in the Palace
BayWatch All-Girl Pit Crew at AutoSport99 the crew visit Autosport 99 to take part in the pitcrew contest
Hollywood Grand Prix; Sylvester Stallone Meets Formula One or; Jackie Stewart trained BayWatch Girls for an Indianapolis Pit Crew because Sylvester Stallone had WonderBra for a sponsor and some French guys made Richard Petty drink white wine instead of beer
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